The Perils of being a "Medical Secretary"

Right, so I'm a medical secretary. Sounds lofty and its definitely not a horrible position, especially for me. I even enjoy parts of it. I even LIKE some of the patients. However, lately I have found more and more people who seem to think they know everything about A) my office B) their condition and C) my Dr. (boss) than I do. Perhaps this is true in the case of their condition because I'm not a Dr. and frankly I neither care to hear about, discuss or help to identify your medical conditions. In fact, I'd rather not engage in communicating with you at all in most cases, especially about the state of your bowel movements. Save it for the Dr. or the person stuck in an elevator with you.
TODAY alone I have had more than my share of annoyances from patients and now I have been forced to blog it out of my system.
Let me start by saying, if you are going to interrupt the Medical Secretary/MOA/Receptionist or what have you in your Dr.'s office, make it a question that A) they can actually answer, B) that you want an answer to and C) that you will listen to. Don't ask me questions from the forms I've given you to fill out and argue my answers. I don't care if you fill it out properly in fact because I don't have to read it. The Dr. does. I'm assuming you actually want medical help because, after all, you are in a specialists office so when you ask me "Do I have to put down here that I've had a couple of cases of bronchitis" and I say "yes please" do not respond with "Do I REALLY have to" because inevitably I will inform you to do whatever you like as I'm not arguing whether you want to write down your medical history or not. It doesn't affect my job, however, taking the time to argue it with you DOES affect my job.
Further, asking if you have to write down a medication that you are not currently on but may be taking again in future. I always tell people, if unsure whether it might be important or not, write it down because then we have it on file in case it is important in future. You asked me, thats my answer. Don't argue with me that you aren't currently on the medication because that was previously established.
Also, when going to a specialist for the first time, do not barade the secretary with questions about the Dr. I understand that you are nervous, but in all honesty, I haven't known him all my life so I'm not entirely sure where he grew up, what he did, who he is, whether he is related to someone you know or if you have met him before. I'm not his keeper... I'm just the keeper of the office he has. Ask me if you've seen him "professionally" before and I may be able to help you. I have limited background knowledge past that, but I CAN tell you his ethnicity because you are now the 1000th person to ask. Congrats.
Further, if you are unsure of the specialty of which the Dr. is, please only ask the question once. When the answer is given (and usually it is quite generic, but its a simplistic answer so that I may continue working at what I was doing before your leered over my desk at me), please leave it at that or ask the Dr. a more specific question. Do not ask what are all the "diseases and conditions" he deals with . Are you seriously kidding me? That list is a million pages long. Do not start asking specific diseases or conditions unless you actually have them and are taking a genuine interest in whether he can help you with them. By the way, you were sent for specific reason and he knows about that already, your Dr. told him, so his main focus at this point is that condition and making it go away for you.
Do not argue with me over the phone about your appointments. Do not pester me for a different time that I've already told you I don't have. No we aren't open on weekends and I'm sorry that you work outside of that... so do I. I'm not coming in on a weekend just for you and neither will the Dr. He already works on weekends half the time with patients in the hospital and he's already staying ridiculously late hours for people who are working regular hours... if you work 8am to 8 pm M-F, you will have to make other plans or find a different Dr.
Please do not ask if the allergies section is where you put your allergies. I really can't answer that without a sarcastic and rude remark.
I am more than helpful to you when I can be. I'm actually HAPPY to help you find a good appointment date, time, fix your problems, help re-fill your prescriptions, listen to your (brief) description of your day... I'm genuinely a great person but I draw the line at attitude and stupidity. Please don't expect me to happily deal with either from you. I deal enough with it from other Dr.'s offices and hospitals. You wouldn't want to accept it from me so don't give it to me. I'm actually past the point of caring whether its professional or not to give it back to you... the only reason I haven't stabbed you through the eye with a pencil or used my elastic bands to fling paper clips at you with lightening speed is that for the most part, you are sick and I feel bad for you... and my mom would kick my butt if she knew I was being rude :p