A long time...

since a wrote a blog here, but its safe to say, hardly anyone will read this blog as they've all migrated to others of my blogging pages.. that makes me sound bad... like I'm cheating on my blogs with other blogs.
Either way, the point of this blog is to air out some frustrations in a random way and with the idea that I have the freedom to do so without the parties involved being able to see, or I suppose they could, but they probably don't know about this blog. Que Sera. Here goes my rant...

For OVER a year now, I have put a ton of thought and effort and faith and hope and blood and sweat (ok so maybe not blood... unless from a paper cut) into this association that I once thought so highly of... maybe that was the problem to begin with. If you set something up with expectations you are in for disappointment... not always true but in this case it seems to fit. We had a pub night in September last year and I and the Secretary canvassed the Coquitlam area for donations for raffle prizes. We actually had fun, although slightly unprofessional at times and kinda awkward. We managed to get a few things, and I bugged people I knew for other prizes... we ended up with quite the spread. Further, our ticket sales were pretty good, although I'm pretty sure at least 75% were my friends (as I had a billion tables I had to go visit) and we did like 4 50/50 draws and we raised $17 shy of my $1000 goal *shakes fist* and I was on cloud 9 for weeks thinking how great the association was doing with its fund... but it came near christmas and things started to disband a bit... I figured just for christmas... but as Christmas ended and New Years passed and things didn't pick up again like I thought... I got a bit discouraged. Not discouraged enough to completely lose hope, afterall I and the President are the backbone of said association (and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm full of myself... but its ACTUALLY true... we are the only ones to do anything). We had a membership drive in April that bombed and have been attempting to put together enough support and volunteers to pull off a Dog Walk-A-Thon in June. As of today, I've given up much hope for it. Not only are NONE of the registration forms available online for people who want to start collecting pledges now, but none of the links have been put up to the places that we were supposed to do link exchanges for. Not only do we look completely unprofessional and neglectful, but there is nothing I can do about it... I can't fix this as I have no access to the website and the person who does isn't doing what they've promised. I tried to be nice and ask them to, I tried to be mean and tell them to, and now its just to the point where I can't do anything more...

I don't give up. I'm stubborn and put my entire heart into things but sometimes, even those who do everything with their entire heart, can come to a block in a road that even they can't fight through.

I feel like I have all these things that I want to do, and all this stuff I NEED to accomplish and I try so hard to do everything that everyone else needs me to do and run around in 100 different ways at the same time and suddenly it just seems useless... like everything I've worked on up to this point has kinda been in vain because I can't control or even make things happen when they need to... the excitement has completely faded. The happy, enthusiastic, go-getter that helped to bring up this association has been beaten down into a nervous, upset and uptight person who no longer wants anything to do with it... but still would like to see it prosper... that is the person who must now go and be in front of the rest of the members without the President or Secretary and somehow make a meeting out of nothing... that is the person who sits here, head in hands... trying desperately to grasp at every last ounce of hope for this once AMAZING idea of an association... that is the person who sits here alone... more alone in this cause than she has ever felt before... and that is the person who will find a way to make it through and prove that every down has its up.... because that is the person who never gives up.