I don't know why I'm writing in this blog... I guess I just feel more free to write here, and possibly I'm slightly more attached to that freedom and the fact that this was originally my blog and I refuse to get rid of it. Sooooo here I go :)
At church a little while ago, the pastor used the reference from the title of this blog... and I was transported back through time to a place where I used to feel like myself and had a second family. My church. My pastor back then (Pastor Bloomfield) used to recite that saying over and over and over again. He'd get the entire congregation to repeat it after him. It has been stuck in my head every time anyone has ever said "pressed down". Even though that church and that part of my life is nothing but memories, I cherish them.
It amazes me over time how much people change. The person I am now, is nothing like the person I used to be, and not necessarily always for the better. Life experiences teach you things... and some things I wished I didn't have to learn but the choice of how you deal with them, or not deal with them, leads you to where you are now.
The last Sunday I was at church, I realized what type of person I have been becoming (that sounds grammatically wrong)... and as much as I like the person I am, I do miss the person I used to be at times. Especially times when working with the public or other people or when driving, when I'm reminded how I can seem bitter, annoyed, road raged or haggard. I have an attitude that I've developed over the years that I never used to have... and people are rewarded for having attitudes, sarcastic comments and mean words. People think you are cooler if you can jab back with more enthusiasm then you were jabbed at. Wit is a powerful thing, both for good and for bad.
I've learned over the years how to worry, lose hope, doubt, dislike, and even at times manipulate. These are not traits I like or try to use but I've found recently a lot of people get by in life on negative traits like these, or worse.
They say to be yourself... but yourself changes. People change, lives change, situations change and really before a certain age of adulthood, you don't even know who you are anyways. The best part about that is that you can make yourself who you want to be and in that effort to try and be and do all the things that you want, you find out about yourself even more. What talents, gifts and inspiration you actually have. I've learned that I love to work with animals... that I am talented at working with humans although it takes a lot out of a person to do so at times and that God's timing is more important than your timing. I've also learned that you have to challenge yourself not to become what the world wants you to become... I've made a few key decisions recently and said a few important prayers and I'm excited to see what will come of it all in the next little while. I'm still learning (thank goodness) and growing and the person I am now, may not be the person I was or the person I will be... but I'm happy with who I am and thats all I could ask for :)
Holy rant batman. Sorry. I dunno why I apologize... no one reads this :p
