Reasons why I believe my job will lead to alcoholism

A) Voicemail messages from patients you have called to confirm their appointment (that they chose the date and time of) saying that they are outside your office at 5:45 p.m. the day before their appointment and they can't understand why we are not there when we distinctly promised them that we were open til 6 that day (technically the following day) :s
B) Patients who phone to cancel their appointment THE DAY OF their appointment and reschedule it... then show up... and don't remember cancelling their appointment two hours prior (WTF?).
C) Patients who are referred by Dr.'s or better yet, hospitals, and come with no info. NOTHING. Plus they don't even know why they were referred.
D) Pharmacies that send URGENT questions about medications, refills, or other requests and leave no return contact info. No fax. No phone. No contact numbers, names or sometimes... even names of the drugs. Seriously.
E) Specialists offices who call for patient data, who have no idea where the patient was referred from or what they need. At this point, I like to play go fish with them... do you have a PHN? no? Go fish.
F) Patients who show up 2 hours early and then spend their time asking how long the Dr. will be, if they should pay for more parking, is he running behind... and various other astute and fundamentally important questions just to distract me from working.
G) Patients who get the voicemail during business hours and yell, swear or ask questions like "do you not answer your phone? are you on vacation?" and then when their call is returned... continue to question why their phone call was not answered. I have many times bit my lip attempting to not respond with sarcasm... my specialty. Soon I will not have a lip left to bite and nothing can stop me then.
H) People who complain about coming into my office and hearing Christmas music. If you weren't early it wouldn't bother you... try to schedule having a life 2 hours before your appointment. There is a coffee shop in the lobby sans Christmas music. Go be a scrooge outside of my cave... err office.
I) Insurance or compensation places that call for patient information without patient consent and then get snotty with me when I won't provide any details. I actually like these calls cuz I'm allowed to give attitude back to them... and if they time it correctly, I've already been holding 6 hours of attitude for them to have :)
Lastly, J) I have a bar fridge behind me.